Sleepless Nights- Am Afraid Losing My Family Has These Sleep Meds Not Working

I’m on enough meds to put a horse to sleep, but I’ve been up all night again. At this point, there is no sense in trying to get to sleep, I have to be up in two hours anyway. I am so flipping tired of sleepless nights that I want to scream. Anyone have any ideas on how to fall asleep when the meds don’t work?

How It All Began

My story is not unique but a long one, considering I’m not really that old. In between blurred lines, I can testify that I used to have a life – a really good life. Life, very different from this one – and my guess is that am not alone in the way I am now.

I guess the fact I’m on here says something, even to myself.

My sleepless nights, led into a serious addiction to sleeping tablets which started when I just graduated at the age of 21; after having Innocently sleepwalked myself into a mammoth mountain of student loans, Student overdraft and student credit cards following In the footsteps of my university studies as a student nurse.

Life was good at university, met my wife when I was 20 and, as much as she disliked my lifestyle, love was more powerful to overcome her reservations, likened for an opiate drug, my wife got swept off her feet. We began a 10-year journey with countless ups and downs.
She soon became my trigger for sleepless nights, my fear of losing her enabled my habit through all 10 years of our marriage.

I’m on day number two of singleton, having divorced my wife for 10 years. Being alone in one bedroomed flat scares the shit out of me, my childhood friend says it’s a new beginning, which is something I haven’t experienced in a long time.

I forgot how alone you can feel.

I look back and I feel like a complete asshole for putting my four wonderful kids through what they are going through now after divorce, but the truth is they were born out of love.

I keep repeating this to my kids because, until the last six months of our family living together, my eldest son won’t speak to me.

Things changed and eventually led to divorce. I had to move out of our mortgage home. F***ck! Did I just walk away from the people I love?

It has been a year since my separation leading to this divorce; I’m still a sleep deprived addict and I live alone. Even though my wife had been my proxy trigger, we once genuinely loved each other. I now tell my dates from Match.com “I had a life once.”

Am not on match.com to replace it. It’s because I have read online raving testimonials about true love happening on here! When I look back now all I say is “yep, addiction to sleep tablets has ruined my life and marriage.”

I suppose I had to do this write up here because I’m on day number two of singleton, which is something I haven’t experienced in a long time. My dating skills are a bit rusty, but that’s not the issue here for my sleeplessness, I guess I just forgot how being single can also be such a lonely place you can be.

By the way, I’m 32 years old and having to join the dating site( match.com) was my sister’s gift for me and I can tell you it has been a wonderful eye opener to what is possible.